The Beta Male that tried to be an Alpha

Once upon a time, a girl realized that her boyfriend was part of the “beta male” mix, along with Jim Halpert from The Office and Ben Wyatt from Parks and Rec.

And one day this Beta male, realizing that he was Beta, decided to try being an Alpha male towards his girlfriend. He thought of clever ways to assert his dominance, but could only think of telling her he was “asserting his dominance”.

That in itself was so Beta male of him, that it backfired, and his girlfriend giggled like an idiot for the rest of the night.

How?

“How do I know if he really loves me” sang the great Whitney Houston. Of anybody remembers that jam, fantastic! For those of you who have no idea what song I’m referring to, I think those lines pretty much explain the song.

The age old question: how do I know? It’s tough, since the other gender is as confusing as rocket science. And it doesn’t help that it’s all about you.

Personally, I’m one of those people who can analyze the shit out of other people’s relationships. I use to predict how long they would go out for, and how compatible they truly are. But when it comes to myself, I have no clue what I’m doing.

I only have a grasp of what I want in a relationship; what I find important. My list isn’t long. It’s more or less the following:
1) No lying for either partner. Even if it’s a white lie, I’d rather hear the blunt truth
2) Don’t use “I love you” as a deflection or excuse. It’s not a replacement phrase.
3) Laugh together. Don’t take things too seriously when it’s not necessary.

With my 3 “rules”, I was hoping for (and am currently in) a loving relationship where the love just blossoms. (I know, I’m such a realist and yet, this is what I come up with)

Has my relationship blossomed? Sure. I love him unconditionally (at the moment) and he loves me too.
But even with the satisfaction of making my 3 rules work, I always question myself if he truly loves me.

He doesn’t do anything that make me doubt his feelings for me. In fact, he cuddles more than I do, an I catch him staring at me for no reason sometimes. It’s sweet. And I know I’m supposed to believe his actions.
But there are days when I would lien reassurance that he truly does love me.
I want a oujia board to tell me that, yes indeed, he loves me. Or just a romantic comedy-esque sign, just showing me he loves me.

How easy would that be for everybody?

Last note: “I really love you, more than you probably know” is as romantic as it gets, gentlemen.

Options, Decisions and Choices (Oh my!)

I’ve come to realize a certain trend that exists in our relationship, and was wondering if people had the same thing going on? I had never really thought about it until my current boyfriend, and I must say, I’m starting to sound like a grown up.

How do couples deal with decision making? Does ones person in the relationship decide? Do you really talk about every single decision making event?

And I’m not talking about the “what do you want for dinner” decisions, I’m talking about bigger decisions that effect a money, time and emotions.

Personally, my boyfriend doesn’t really give me a choice. He’s not a bully, and he’s sure not as assertive as most guys. But when it comes to something he wants, he will not budge even when it takes a toll on our relationship. I’m also not calling him selfish; he just doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Our latest example is our scheduling for Christmas. He wants to go back to his hometown for the holidays (for obvious reasons) but he just announces it without considering my plans or my schedule. Instead of discussing it with me, he informs me about his plans for the holiday season.
I understand that he wants to go back to his hometown for Christmas. In fact, I encourage it. But he just went back for Thanksgiving as well, and he also just informed me about it.
It comes to a point where I would like to ask him of he can’t make plans involving the both of us.
The worst part is, he doesn’t even know what he’s doing wrong. He’s never had to think about the other person, so he just does what he pleases.
Sure, he says he wants to spend New Years with me, and he’ll be gone only a week, but I never got to decide what I wanted for the holidays.
In fact, we rarely spend big holidays together. (Probably never, except New Years)

I asked him if I could go with him back to his hometown, and he told me he had considered it, but felt bad making me spend my money to just spend time with him. I appreciate his honesty and his kindness, but it’s my money and that would be my choice. If he doesn’t ask me to go back with him, I don’t even have a choice.

Of course, I should just be grateful that he’s such a caring guy, but if I’m trying to do the honesty thing, I’m honestly hoping you’d let me make a big decision for us at least once.

Sex and More Resentment?

I never believed that sex was an important part of a relationship. I thought that the two parties can work it out, and people just make it work. People make compromises, and they keep the other person satisfied to an extent. And a problem does arise, they realize just how silly the topic is, and move on. Man, was I wrong.

Let me put on record, that I thought I was the last person on this Earth to face this problem. I thought I would either be with someone who has a high libido, or compromise with a guy who had a low libido. Either way, I didn’t think “sex” would turn into resentment, and so much hate.

What’s going on right now in my life is very simple. In fact, it’s so simple, that most people can guess it by just reading the introduction of this post. (If you read the other posts, even better. If you really have read my other posts, thank you). I’m being bitter and ignoring the problem as long as I can, about our sex life. (or lack thereof)

I hate it. I hate how much sex we’re having (or not having). I want to have hot sweaty sex, and I’m not sure why I’m not having it. I’m actually not quite sure what I’m doing wrong.

I can take a lot of hits. It takes a lot for me to just breakdown into complete blubber, but my self esteem has takes such a hit, that I’m starting to breakdown into just an unsexy, unwanted, selfish bitch.

Unsexy and unwanted because my boyfriend just told me he didn’t feel like sex (for the 100th time), and a bitch cause I’m giving him the cold shoulder.

You know, it’s not even the lack of sex that’s upsetting me. It’s the fact that we’ve done this so many times, and yet, we still can’t seem to find the answer to make us both satisfied. It’s the fact that you’ve admitted to not having sex with me as much as you should be, and you don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. It’s the fact that I’m always the one instigating sex and fights about it.

I’m so tired of being upset, and being let down, and feeling worthless, and just… trying to convince you and me that we can work this out. Is there really a solution? Do you even see what it’s doing to me? What it’s doing to every word you say?

You call me beautiful, but you don’t show it. And every time you can’t have sex with me, I think your words are lies. Think about it. I can only take so much….

Let there be… More sex!

Has anybody ever fallen into that spiral of “oh-my-god-I’m-not-getting-laid-enough”?
And you realize that the pace you’re going at is probably not going to change?
So the only question you’re asking yourself is if sex is really important in a relationship?
Well, do I have a post for you.

I used to believe in the idea of “Hollywood-sex”. What does that consist of? Both parties being extremely satisfied at the end of sex. I’ve also quickly realized that in most cases, this is not true.

If it were up to me, I would pounce on my boyfriend, every chance I get, and ask him to have sex with me in the dirtiest way possible.

The expression “lady on the streets but a freak in the sheets” (lyrical geniuses) is a respectful way for a girl to show a guy how much she appreciates him. And I would also like to use this tactic.

Let’s talk sex positions for a second. (We might as well touch base with all the topics)
There are so many sex positions we haven’t tried, that the curiosity is starting to eat at me.
I mean, we’ve had our fair share of experimenting, but I think we can do so much more if he just let’s loose.

Am I allowed to go in depth about sex on here? I’m not sure.
But with the pace I’m getting laid at, I won’t have much to update on.

Hey, a girl can be horny too.

Screw up (I need a free pass)

How many free passes should one person get?

I screwed up last night, and I know I did. But I couldn’t help it, and I don’t see how it could’ve been avoided.

What did I do? I brought up my past. My ex, to be exact. What happened between my ex and I, happened. I can’t change the past, and I do regret it.

To be honest, I had an open relationship on my end with my ex (with his consent, of course) with other reasons added to why I made a decision to do so.

Do I think it’s justified? No. But at the time being, I was young and passionate. Really, that was all that was driving me; passion.

So when my ex cheated on me, some people may say I deserved it. The difference was, I told my ex about the guy. In fact, I never kept a secret from him, and leaving him for another man was out of the question. I know that doesn’t mean anything, but that’s how our relationship functioned. (Or didn’t function)

my current guy now wasn’t as upset as I thought he was. And he told me he was okay with the information he had just told me. But just when I need my words to function the most, I didn’t know what to say. I blanked out and explained my past poorly.

To top it all off, I’m over analyzing it. I couldn’t sleep because it was eating at me. Damn. I thought I had gotten over this stage.

I wish my boyfriend understands that it’s different with him. I wouldn’t do anything to ruin our relationship.

I really hope I’m just over thinking this.

Initiation (Enlighten me)

I thought I had come to terms with this, when in fact, I believe I just bandaged over something that could potentially arise again.

What am I talking about? Initiation.

I think it’s safe to say that all my life, I’ve gone out with guys who suck at initiating anything. Hell, the one boyfriend who did do anything remotely romantic and spontaneous was the stoner kid I went out in middle school.

But as I grew older, I’ve started picking up on a trend; none of my boyfriends like initiating anything, let alone, do anything to surprise me.

Instead of complaining about my exes (who have nothing to do with my current situation and epiphany) I’ve decided to focus on my current beau.

My boyfriend is a sweetheart. He’s as intimidating as a puppy, and he shows affection by ‘cuddling’. He even cuddles more than I do!

But when it comes to initiating, he is not exactly the first person in line.

Like I talked about in my last post, sex is always initiated by me. Going out to dinner to celebrate any holiday or anniversary is usually me. Starting to plan vacations is always initiated by me. The next step in our relationship is initiated by me.

I know this sounds like the typical relationship between a guy an a girl, but is it too much to ask for some voluntary initiation from his side as well?

if you’re not going to initiate sex, can I get some initiation in another department? How about vacation plans? Or just simply asking me to spend more time with you during days off? Simple stuff.

Guys always seem to complain that try don’t now what girls want. But I’m being blunt; INITIATE.

Treat me like a princess sometimes by pretending to play the perfect prince.

S.E.X (Yup! I’m gonna talk about it!)

Sex is such a delicate topic, that it’s hard to be truthful to the person you love. If you ask me, it should be a topic that every couple talks about openly, but that’s rarely the case. Especially when it comes to a male and a female, it’s hard to understand what the other partner wants. “Lick me there” is easy to do, but it’s hard to understand why it’s “there” and not “here”.

Lately, I’ve been having frustration towards “sex”, and it’s been eating at me as to why. I know the reason, but it’s not something that goes away immediately. Every couple has their problems, and mine is the following:
My boyfriend doesn’t orgasm when he has sex with me, but he continues to masturbate over the week.

I know it’s not a big deal, and that I should be considerate of my boyfriend’s masturbation schedule, but when he can’t orgasm while having sex with me, I would like to say a few words. Why can’t he think of a way to balance the two, and actually still orgasm while having sex with me? And why is it okay that we have sex when he wants, but when I want it, he just apologizes?

Just a couple of factors involved: I have a higher libido than he does, and I’m usually the one to initiate it. I’ve also been okay with masturbation, and have no problems with porn.

He even lied to me about porn and masturbation. He told me he had gone cold turkey. When I found the porn on his phone, he fessed up, and said that he masturbates a lot. I don’t mind that, but he shouldn’t have lied to me about it. When I asked him why he lied, he told me he was “embarrassed” of his actions. I told him I was open about it, and that he shouldn’t be embarrassed at all, and that it was only natural that he do it too.

We’ve come to an understanding that he could masturbate as much as he wants, as often as he wants between Monday-Thursday. I know it doesn’t help to put him on a schedule, but I see him on the weekends, and I would like every bit of his sexual appetite on me. If he could balance it all, I don’t care when and how often he masturbates. But when he only orgasms once when he’s with me over the weekend (we have sex more than once over the weekend), I get a tad bit jealous of his… hand.

I don’t know how else to tell him that I would like to be the main source of his sexual pleasure (not the only, but the main source). Any ways of communication that worked for anybody? I could really use some assistance….