Sex and More Resentment?

I never believed that sex was an important part of a relationship. I thought that the two parties can work it out, and people just make it work. People make compromises, and they keep the other person satisfied to an extent. And a problem does arise, they realize just how silly the topic is, and move on. Man, was I wrong.

Let me put on record, that I thought I was the last person on this Earth to face this problem. I thought I would either be with someone who has a high libido, or compromise with a guy who had a low libido. Either way, I didn’t think “sex” would turn into resentment, and so much hate.

What’s going on right now in my life is very simple. In fact, it’s so simple, that most people can guess it by just reading the introduction of this post. (If you read the other posts, even better. If you really have read my other posts, thank you). I’m being bitter and ignoring the problem as long as I can, about our sex life. (or lack thereof)

I hate it. I hate how much sex we’re having (or not having). I want to have hot sweaty sex, and I’m not sure why I’m not having it. I’m actually not quite sure what I’m doing wrong.

I can take a lot of hits. It takes a lot for me to just breakdown into complete blubber, but my self esteem has takes such a hit, that I’m starting to breakdown into just an unsexy, unwanted, selfish bitch.

Unsexy and unwanted because my boyfriend just told me he didn’t feel like sex (for the 100th time), and a bitch cause I’m giving him the cold shoulder.

You know, it’s not even the lack of sex that’s upsetting me. It’s the fact that we’ve done this so many times, and yet, we still can’t seem to find the answer to make us both satisfied. It’s the fact that you’ve admitted to not having sex with me as much as you should be, and you don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. It’s the fact that I’m always the one instigating sex and fights about it.

I’m so tired of being upset, and being let down, and feeling worthless, and just… trying to convince you and me that we can work this out. Is there really a solution? Do you even see what it’s doing to me? What it’s doing to every word you say?

You call me beautiful, but you don’t show it. And every time you can’t have sex with me, I think your words are lies. Think about it. I can only take so much….