Sex is such a delicate topic, that it’s hard to be truthful to the person you love. If you ask me, it should be a topic that every couple talks about openly, but that’s rarely the case. Especially when it comes to a male and a female, it’s hard to understand what the other partner wants. “Lick me there” is easy to do, but it’s hard to understand why it’s “there” and not “here”.
Lately, I’ve been having frustration towards “sex”, and it’s been eating at me as to why. I know the reason, but it’s not something that goes away immediately. Every couple has their problems, and mine is the following:
My boyfriend doesn’t orgasm when he has sex with me, but he continues to masturbate over the week.
I know it’s not a big deal, and that I should be considerate of my boyfriend’s masturbation schedule, but when he can’t orgasm while having sex with me, I would like to say a few words. Why can’t he think of a way to balance the two, and actually still orgasm while having sex with me? And why is it okay that we have sex when he wants, but when I want it, he just apologizes?
Just a couple of factors involved: I have a higher libido than he does, and I’m usually the one to initiate it. I’ve also been okay with masturbation, and have no problems with porn.
He even lied to me about porn and masturbation. He told me he had gone cold turkey. When I found the porn on his phone, he fessed up, and said that he masturbates a lot. I don’t mind that, but he shouldn’t have lied to me about it. When I asked him why he lied, he told me he was “embarrassed” of his actions. I told him I was open about it, and that he shouldn’t be embarrassed at all, and that it was only natural that he do it too.
We’ve come to an understanding that he could masturbate as much as he wants, as often as he wants between Monday-Thursday. I know it doesn’t help to put him on a schedule, but I see him on the weekends, and I would like every bit of his sexual appetite on me. If he could balance it all, I don’t care when and how often he masturbates. But when he only orgasms once when he’s with me over the weekend (we have sex more than once over the weekend), I get a tad bit jealous of his… hand.
I don’t know how else to tell him that I would like to be the main source of his sexual pleasure (not the only, but the main source). Any ways of communication that worked for anybody? I could really use some assistance….
The Blunt Fairytale 
As a man, I think you need to awkwardly pinpoint the reason why he only cums maybe once with you.
1. Does he do it often when he is with you, before you have sex? It’s possible he does reach the point but no water left in the squirt gun?
2. Does he have any problems getting/keeping an election?
3. Does he gave a lot on his mind during sex that he can’t fully get there.
I know personally, if I’m not fully into the girl, it takes a LOT of concentration to reach orgasm. Not to scare you into think ling he is not into you, but just to say his mind can be distracted.
4. This is personal but do you reach orgasm? Make noises? Involved in the moment (back scratching, saying his name, moaning etc) because nothing hurts a guys ego or distracts him more than a woman that is a dead fish in bed.
I’ve read a lot on this topic issue with couples and find the guy gets so set in his ways with the visual aspect of porn, that it affects doing the actual deed.
I’d suggest asking superficially what kind he is watching, maybe you can adapt situations/toys/scenarios into the bedroom that will complete his interest and make him go for you.
You seem level headed about the whole thing which is good. Just go about it all the same manner or he will get super defective and embarassed
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