I’ve come to realize a certain trend that exists in our relationship, and was wondering if people had the same thing going on? I had never really thought about it until my current boyfriend, and I must say, I’m starting to sound like a grown up.
How do couples deal with decision making? Does ones person in the relationship decide? Do you really talk about every single decision making event?
And I’m not talking about the “what do you want for dinner” decisions, I’m talking about bigger decisions that effect a money, time and emotions.
Personally, my boyfriend doesn’t really give me a choice. He’s not a bully, and he’s sure not as assertive as most guys. But when it comes to something he wants, he will not budge even when it takes a toll on our relationship. I’m also not calling him selfish; he just doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Our latest example is our scheduling for Christmas. He wants to go back to his hometown for the holidays (for obvious reasons) but he just announces it without considering my plans or my schedule. Instead of discussing it with me, he informs me about his plans for the holiday season.
I understand that he wants to go back to his hometown for Christmas. In fact, I encourage it. But he just went back for Thanksgiving as well, and he also just informed me about it.
It comes to a point where I would like to ask him of he can’t make plans involving the both of us.
The worst part is, he doesn’t even know what he’s doing wrong. He’s never had to think about the other person, so he just does what he pleases.
Sure, he says he wants to spend New Years with me, and he’ll be gone only a week, but I never got to decide what I wanted for the holidays.
In fact, we rarely spend big holidays together. (Probably never, except New Years)
I asked him if I could go with him back to his hometown, and he told me he had considered it, but felt bad making me spend my money to just spend time with him. I appreciate his honesty and his kindness, but it’s my money and that would be my choice. If he doesn’t ask me to go back with him, I don’t even have a choice.
Of course, I should just be grateful that he’s such a caring guy, but if I’m trying to do the honesty thing, I’m honestly hoping you’d let me make a big decision for us at least once.
The Blunt Fairytale 