Words

I’ve sat and thought about a fitting title for this post, but I can’t seem to find the perfect words.

It’s been a while since my last entry, and it’s not because I haven’t had an eventful life; I’ve just started a routine living with my boyfriend. Like I had imagined, life is wonderful, just because I get to see his face at the end of the day.

With that preface, I just wanted to paint a picture that showed the state I was in: constant bliss. But there are days when our opinions just don’t match, and eventually leads to an “off day”.

Because we live together, sometimes it’s hard to find that spark to ignite a passionate flame. In fact, we’ve built a relationship based on trust and communication, which tends to take a toll on the passion factor. I’m not saying all couples are like that; we just are.

There are different reasons as to what’s wrong with a relationship, and I’m not saying there’s something wrong with ours. I’m just trying to state that all couples have weak spots that they could work on. And our Achilles heel is passion.

Sometimes, I don’t feel sexy and confident at all. And let’s be honest, it doesn’t really matter what I look like. I believe feeling sexy and confident comes from how the other person makes you feel about yourself. In most cases, it’s how the other person acts, or says about/towards you, and this is what makes you go, “he thinks I’m sexy!” I think every girl should experience this, and every guy should make her feel this way at one point or another. (Effort from the girl is always appreciated, of course).

My boyfriend, Ray, isn’t the “I-can’t-keep-my-hands-off-of-you” type. He has a low libido, and I’m okay with that. However, at times, I want to be treated like the femme fetale, with the sexual tension between us. It’s easier said than done, when you see the other person every day.

Last night, all of this came to a head, when I finally decided I was tired of taking the communication route, when it felt like the physical part of our relationship was dwindling. I shut down.

The more Ray tried to ignore it, the worse it got. But I could tell, he was trying to say something that wasn’t like our previous discussions. Finally, he took my stuffed animal and started talking to it.

“The woman I love is frustrated right now. But I want her to know that I need her in my life and that I love her. I know I don’t always make her feel this way, but I think she’s gorgeous, beautiful, funny and smart. I’m so lucky to have her”

Maybe nothing got fixed, even when he said those words. But it reminded me of what our relationship was made of: communication. I’m still going to work on bringing back the spark. But at least now I have clarification of how he feels about me. Sometimes, you get lovely answers from the most frustrating problems.